Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
