YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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