Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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