I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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