woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
