ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
