I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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