He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Come on in and take your pants off
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