party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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