are you still at the devil's house?
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
