My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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