I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
