2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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