Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
