i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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