You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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