It's like God shit irony all over that family
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
