he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
