it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize