some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So many bounce houses so little time
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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