I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
