Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
