On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
