How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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