I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
