the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
