i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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