I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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