this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
