I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize