why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
do herpes really smell.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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