I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
How does one acquire holy water?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
