she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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