I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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