2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
