I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize