dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
