yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
