I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
