i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize