I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
