I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
