The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
