I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
