i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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