Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
