you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just cropdusted the office
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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