you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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