I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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