they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize