He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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