Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
