do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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