i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
