Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
