There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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