oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
