Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
