I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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