im about as happy as oj after his trial
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
