I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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