I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
