At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
