I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
