We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
