lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
where are my eyebrows?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
