you didnt know i had herpes?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
