When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
