OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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