Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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