Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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