he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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