When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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