Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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