i already hear my dad disowning me
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
