After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
