she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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