I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
